Sagehen Mesa - Season 4, Episode 9 - Cliff's Heist of a Lifetime (Part 1)

 Hi, Cliff Mahon speaking. I'm sure you've been made aware of Josie Williams' gift to my daughter and her fiancé. The whole town is waggin' their tongues about it. I swear that woman takes every opportunity she can to make me look bad. Even Timothy, my favorite son, is calling me a cheapskate because I haven't done much to support Sondra. 

It's not MY fault Tess took her and left when she was a baby! Who knew Tess wouldn't cool off after our fight and come back home? That woman has done nothing to encourage my relationship with my daughter; in fact, she's done everything she could to distance me from her. 

"Anton makes a far better father than you ever will!" she told me. At the time, I thought "Fine! Let saint Anton deal with all her female mood swings and craziness as she grows up! I've got Timothy to mold into my likeness and pass my family legacy to!" Yeah, I know there's my son Clancy too, but he's always been an odd duck. So sensitive and afraid of people. Then he went and married that obnoxious woman cop, and I knew we'd never be very close. 

During my argument with Tim, I blurted out, "What do you want me to do? I'm a man of simple means! Do you want me to knock over an art museum or something?!"

Then it occurred to me: why not? I'm gettin' up in years, but I'm still pretty spry. I've learned over time it's better not to crap where you eat, so I haven't broken any laws locally in the past few years, but maybe what I need is to pull one last big heist in a foreign country. I can present Sondra with a generous wedding gift, and the gossips of the town can shut their pie holes!

I figured I'd need a little help as I'm no spring chicken. I hadn't called on Culpepper to contribute much to the organization lately, so now is the time. 

"You wanted to see me, boss?"

"You need to call your wife and tell her that you need to leave on a business trip for a few days - some junkman's convention of some sort in France. We're leaving tonight."

"But sir, my youngest daughter has just come back from living on the city streets for over a month! I think my family needs me at home, at least for awhile. Can the trip be rescheduled?"

"No can do! It has to be tonight." 

"Holli's gonna kill me!"

This place is crawling with all manner of looky-loos tonight. Some joker went and left the secret door to the library open as well! We'll have to use the rickety old teleporter to get to the lair and put together our plan of action. I hate that thing! I'm just sure it's going to bust down every time I use it. And then where would I be? 

Sure enough, I stumbled from the teleporter with my ticker racin' and my head spinning. I must have passed out. 

When I came to, Culpepper was lounging in the hot tub payin' me know mind! Good help is hard to find these days. 

I was still a little light-headed and not thinkin' straight. I figured some food might help, so I headed up the ladder to get something from the junkyard's break room. I had completely forgotten about all the looky-loos wanderin' about. Those Barclay kids were skulking around the library, but I couldn't be bothered and just crept on by. 

I thought I had gotten away with it, but the one sitting in the corner with his nose in a book, must have noticed me come out of the bookcase. 

To make things worse, in the break room I ran into ol' Sheriff  Lang, my sister's husband. That ol' coot has been gunnin' for me for years! We never have a nice thing to say to each other. 

When I got back, it was obvious the Barclay kid had seen too much. 

I asked him what he thought he was doing in an area restricted to employees only, and he mumbled that he was just looking for something to eat.  

"Yer lyin' to me, son! You're just a nosy little twit and you know it!"

My plan wasn't even off the ground and already it was fraught with complications! I knew I couldn't just let him go or he'd blab about what he found to the whole town and I'd be wearin' an orange jumpsuit the rest of my years. So I did the only thing I could do: I invited him down to the rest of the lair and offered him a drink. 

"So, which Barclay boy are you?" I asked.

"I'm Jarod, sir."

"Well Jarod, we're in a bit of a pickle here. I can't let you leave - at least not until I've completed a job. You can't be allowed to tell anyone about this place. I'm not the kind of man that would dispose of a kid, so you're lucky in that respect, but I'm afraid you are gonna have to dip yer toe into my world and become guilty by association so you keep yer yap shut. The upside is you will get to see some of the world, have some adventures, and maybe even get a little money to boot."

"Culpepper here, has been workin' for me for years, and I'm willin' to give you the same types of opportunities I've given him. He's the only other person you can confide in about this place and what we do here other than me."

"The organization provides a lot of opportunities to learn new things and see exotic places," Culpepper added. "You'll get to experience things you've only read in books."

"Not to mention, you'll have full access to the amenities in this facility," I supplied. 

"Count me in!" the boy enthused. "I've been dying to see the world. I'll be missing school though, and my parents will wonder what happened to me."

"Why don't you say you have a school assignment and need to shadow Culpepper for a few days. Tell 'em you'll be staying with him and his family, or with a friend if you like."

We all made our personal arrangements and we were off to France. 

When we got to Champs Le Sims, I berated Culpepper for leaving the door to the library open, encouraging others to come on in and sit and read, thereby blocking one of our access points and causing this whole problem with the boy.

He was a little put out about the accusation and wondered if it would cause a pay decrease. Then he tried to diffuse the situation with some light-hearted fun. 

Maybe I had it coming. I don't know for sure it was Culpepper who left that door open.

When I got to the museum, I learned that a modern alarm system had been installed - one I wasn't familiar with. I told Culpepper to see if he could find a way to disable it while I checked on our new crew member. 

"Thanks for bringing me along, sir! This museum has some awesome art pieces!"

"Well, why don't you pick out a couple you like, and we'll see if we can get them for you to take home," I replied. 

"Oh, I couldn't do that sir! Art like this should be available for the public to view!"

"What good is art if you have to hide it away to avoid being arrested for stealing it? You really need to reconsider doing this."

"Hold it right there, son! You agreed to come along and be part of this endeavor, and you can't back out now. Like it of not, you are now part of an art heist! If we get caught, you are just as likely to find yourself in jail as I am. Don't think your young age will save you from the long arm of the law!"

I think the boy finally realizes what he has gotten himself into by sniffin' around things he should have let lie.

Meanwhile, Culpepper, found a way to circumvent the basement alarm system and lifted some valuables from there. 

He never did figure out how to disable the alarms on the upper floor, however, and the total funds gained from this endeavor was 4715 simoleons. Not hardly worth the trip, I'm afraid. Let's hope Petite Alsace is more profitable. 

To be continued . . .